Being 30 (Part 2)

Be more than one thing.

I dont like dwelling on the past. I’ve always believed that the future holds more- I believe that the possibilities for reinventing, for creating, for growing are so immense in the future that it towers above whatever the past could have brought. That is my outlook to life.

Ironically, I enjoy history a lot. It shows up everywhere in entertainment I enjoy; In movies genres I like, in sounds and music that resonate the best with me. But when it comes to my personal life, I never really like to remember the past. Almost like I am afraid of being stuck there, so i dont celebrate achievements too much, I do not enjoy getting stuck in ‘Remember when’ conversations. I am quick to let my brain ask me, whats the next thing you should be doing?

But this is going to an article attempting to look back, because I am 30 now. and I have to because i am an ‘uncle’ now (by Nigerian standards), with three decades of useful life experience that would be useful to someone out there. Now this is not a formular to anything or hacking life. I havent achieved anything too substantial, but my journey has been. I was born in Upper Sakpoba in Benin. It is a small and obsure town in South South, Nigeria. I currently live in London, and work in an FTSE 100, and i’m sending this post from my visit to the United states. I came from a very small town and where i am now is beyond the widest imagination of what i thought my life would be growing up.

This article is is me trying to organize snippets of my mindset into nuggets and putting it out there as my give back to someone out there, for reaching this milestone, for being here. I’ll share 3 of these, since i cant share 30.

Plan your life like a school system

Most of the amazing childhood experiences you have were planned by adults, they didn’t just happen. The build up, expectations and emotions you felt going on that trip, that excursion, those new toys, the zoo visit, that roller coaster experience or amazing travel expereince was planned by adults who organised the experience for you.

Sometime ago i used to think it was weird or a special gift, but what i have come to realise as an adult is you have to organisational skills. Much more than work, its is a great way to make amazing expereinces happen in your life. As an adult, you are now accountable for EVERY of your own experiences and you have to organise your life to make those experiences happen; no one can tailor it as well for you (Maybe except your life partner). But i’ve realised people keep waiting for an experience rather than create it.

I used to like school, all types from primary school all the way to university. In fact i never wanted to leave. Unlike my coursemates in university who were excited about going to the outside world, i liked the shield that school gave me from the outside world. School was defined, structured, predictable and safe; I knew the world outside school didnt offer all of these ready-made. I liked the predictable cadence with which school was organised, I liked the smell of new textbooks you would use in your next class, i would keep counting down to the begining of a new school year. I liked the joy i felt of going book shopping with my Dad with the list of books to buy, i liked the excitement of the fresh new topics i was going to learn , i liked the thrill of a school excursion that was going to happen, the new classmates that may come from other schools, and every year, the beauty about it is probably get to feel excited about these new expereinces all over again.

I believe structure gives life meaning, deepens self-awareness, enhances excitement, and minimizes anxiety by removing the uncertainty of what comes next. It declutters your mind and can transform all of the chaos in the mind into a plan.

I have come to treat my life like with that some type of structure. I have come to plan the cadence with which things can happen and sandwich experiences that i actually like into a plan, that leaves room for future excitable experiences too. I try to have a yearly theme, I try to make a ‘big’ life move annually, I make goals, i have monthly check-ins with objectives i have to meet, I have lists, I know and write out what my favorite things are (Movies, music, food, places, people, experiences etc). I rank them. I dont just document my life, i try to structure it, and i make it like have all of the experiences that make a good year worth it. I spend time curating what i want my life to look like, what i want to feel. I spend time knowing myself and in doing this, i see when i evolve and when i am changing, when my likes start changing. I try to keep in touch with myself.

Its not a perfect science and i do veer off track sometimes and thats why i document. This is different from writing notes, its project managing your life, to know when youre really living, and what you need to do to live, and not just exist.

This are some examples on how i do some of that. I use Notion (Its free), but you can use any other platform that helps you.

(A). Relationships Tracker: In 2019, i got so busy at work i forgot by brothers birthday-I cried on my way back home from work. That wasn't the life i wanted for myself, where my loved ones take a back seat in my life and memory. Everyone forgets, but you can help your brain by having an exterior repository. This relationship tracker helps me to

• Plan my finances around gifting the people in my life (as i can see months that are heavy or light)

• Remember what to call/chat to each person about, a significant project or event they have going on and also remember them when i get opportunities i feel may be a fit for them.

-Ensure i do not forget important birthdays

B. Restock List: So i might be on the spectrum, but i haven’t bothered to find out as i don’t like diagnosis. But i am always forgetting important stuff when i go monthly shopping, and even when i make lists, i forget.

The Solution? I took an inventory of all my grocieries and everything my apartment really. All i do is uncheck the box when it runs out or gets broken, that way i know what is missing, what i need to restock and what is present. I also update any new addition. I use zero brain power now in my shopping here and it almost never fails.

(C) What do i like and what are my current favorite things; We often have vague ideas about what we truly enjoy, which can fuel FOMO—making us feel like we’re missing out on things we might not even like. To manage this, I keep a baseline of what I genuinely enjoy, what I dislike, and what I want to experience. This helps me stay in sync with myself, guiding my choices while reducing FOMO and, in turn, anxiety. I also update this list as new experiences reshape my preferences

Some other templates i can share include My yearly planner - Year Planner
Movie Lists (Because my movie/TV taste is impeccable) - **2023 Watchlist , 2024 Watchlist , Current Year Watchlist**

The World wont make room for you, carve up your own your space.

Not many people know this, but I finished my final university exams at age 19 and graduated from secondary school at age 14. I started school quite early and had a double promotion (where a child is advised to skip a class due to their development), skipping a class or two way back in kindergarten, as i was apparently faster in reading than most of my mates.

All of these would culminate in me being the youngest, or close to in all my life through school in any academic classroom i found myself. I was always in a classroom and school grade with people older, and more developed than me. This could quickly mean bullying or infantilization from your mates, it could quickly mean being left out of conversations because they felt you’re too young and also could mean getting stuck with a tag.

I had to adapt in things above my “age grade” as i had to grow up fast. I quickly learned the act of reinventing. I had to reinvent into my older self, as age was a currency for respect in those times and between kids. It wasn’t just enough to say (lie) that your’e old enough, but you had to show it; How you talked, how you carried yourself, how you engaged with other students and the capacity of the conversation you could join (all these within teenagers who were 3 or 4 years older that you, its ridiculous, yes, but it was real). Of course all of this was puerile but it set some foundation for me to keep reinventing myself depending on circumstances.

As I had done then, I think its important to keep refusing boxes that are set by people or society for you to fit in. These labels exist to make you easier to define, to simplify you in their minds, and sometimes even to dictate or predict your limits. What this can do is limit what you can become especially If you keep seeing yourself from the lens of people, you create a limit psychologically about yourself. It can even be from those around you who love you. Most times, it isnt out of malice, its them mostly viewing you through their own eyes and limits. The beautiful thing? You can be many things at once, thats the gift of life.

I have written about how i overcame being shy to build my confidence here, and how i changed my life through fitness here. These were some things i had to squeeze myself into as i didn’t fit the mold of in them. for example I grew up chubby and was never athletic. Growing up i didn’t find being athletic or outdoorsy interesting, as i preferred to be buried in books. Mentally, It was as if i had to choose being an indoor child or an outdoor child Now? I want to be and i am in the best shape of my life while still enjoying books . Fight, build resilience and reinvent yourself as many times as you want. Learn a new skill, pivot careers. Surprise yourself from time to time.

Move away from a small place.

I was born in a small town in Benin-City, but i read a lot of stories, most of these stories were set in big cities. It drew me, and one of things i got from books and movies was that i knew you had to be around opportunities to be close enough to grab them.

Before NYSC (Nigeria’s mandatory service year), I promised myself that i was not going to move back home. I had observed the trajectory of those who moved back home after service (after school) and it was not the story i wanted. The usual story would be after serving, they’d return to the knowing and comfortable cadence of the homes where they grew up, they’d try applying to Jobs and sometimes nothing sticks, then to fight idleness, they’d join the family business and get sucked into it, next thing they’ve gotten married, have kids and remained in the small town. They’d never leave. Dont get me wrong, Nothing wrong with this. But i wanted different- I wanted to live and feel the thrill of the city. For someone who likes predictable cadence and structure, i dont like when its holstered on me, by fate.

I left home for NYSC and during my service year, i had one goal-To save enough to rent a place in Lagos. That singular decision was one of the key ones that changed the trajectory of my life. That is not to say it was rosy afterwards. But being in a city from the comfort a small time provided me with the opportunity to really be positioned to grab opportunities that would have been so difficult to come by living in the little town where i grew up.

If you feel your environment is small for what you need to do, move.

Also, try to be clear on what matters and bet on yourself. A lot of things are smoke and mirrors. Its a lot of activity to mask the layers that actually do matter. You have to always be clear on what matters to you. I always encourage people to watch videos of really old people when they are asked their favorite memories or what they regret. It helps shape perspective if you are not clear what that is. Also reading books will also help.

I would always tell my friends, bet on yourself, because you control most of the odds. When things go south, understanding yourself, understanding where you can lean on and how you can get away from a rot all comes from believing and betting on yourself. No matter what the past says, you can always shape the future if the odds you bet on are all on you. i am rooting for you. and rooting for myself as i turn 30.

Happy Birthday to me. To 30.